Monday, May 14, 2007

Psalm 86:17

Psalm 86:17-“Show me a sign for good, that those who hate me may see it and be ashamed, because You, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.”

I know your hurt and pain. I’ve been there. I’m walking through it myself. I know how you feel, even though you hear that you’re all alone. You’re in a long, dark tunnel with no seeming end. Your lamp is dimming; it’s not out, but it’s very faint.

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I’m tired, God. I just want my needs to be met, just once. I want everyone who counts on me, to know what it’s doing to me. I want everyone who thinks I am a great person, to just feel what its like to be me one day.

Believe it or not, I’m tired of everyone counting on me and knowing that I’ll be there to back them up. Oh, I know that’s You in me, but it’s just so tiring. I’m just fed up with it, and I don’t know why.

I’m tired of feeling like I have to rush to everyone’s aid; to do the things you have equipped me to do. I’m just tired of being there for anyone and everyone who seems to come along.

I’m a little worried God, that in Your big plan for the world and everyone, I’ve somehow been forgotten. I feel sometimes like You’ve misplaced my file, and now You don’t remember me.

I sometimes feel like You have taken my life and placed it on auto-direct. “It’s okay,” You tell everyone. “He’ll be alright, He can handle this. I’ve got some other matters to take care of at this time.”

I know You’re with me, but I feel sometimes as if You’re just standing off to the side, watching me with a sideways glance, as we do our children. Not really paying attention to everything I’m doing, but just leading some generalities in my life.

I feel Your presence, but like it’s in a fog, or through a thick barrier. I miss You, and just for a fleeting instant, I wonder if I’m really the one who moved.

Please understand me, God. I don’t intend on giving up. No, this is a far cry from that. But if I can’t cry out to you in my pain and anguish, where can I go? Who’s going to listen to me if You won’t?

Where will I be if You abandon me; or worse yet, if I turn my back on You, how will I make it then? If I feel alone now, think of how I’d feel if I turned my back to You.

Sometimes, I just wish you didn’t trust my faith so much.

But thanks that You do, because I know that this too shall pass. It won’t last forever; it never does. And when the end comes, it’ll just happen. And I’ll just be going along and realizing, “Hey, this isn’t happening anymore.”

And then I’ll be able to look back on this and marvel at what I thought was so tough. I’ll laugh at how little this means in the big scheme of things. And then I’ll thank You for the person who is helped because of what You allowed me to go through in my life.

So that the person I touch because of You will not feel like I am down playing their fears. They will know that I can truly empathize with them and what they are going through.

Thanks for walking me through this, Lord. I couldn’t do it without You.

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Oh, if you’re looking for a better ending, forget it. Write your own. We all go through trials. How your story ends depends entirely on YOU and YOUR faith. No one walks with Jesus in anyone’s shoes other than their own.

Cry out to the Lord, because He will never leave you, and He will ALWAYS comfort you.

Endure; be faithful, but not because I’m telling you to do so. You should do it because the alternative is worse than you could possibly imagine.

Have faith; patience is genius. No matter what the world tells you.

Be blessed in the Lord today,

Bo J.

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