Saturday, October 25, 2008

Isaiah 26:3 (NKJV)

Isaiah 26:3-“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

I’m still trying to tread water.

I believed what Jesus said, that I could walk on water just like Him. So, I got out of the boat. That was a big mistake.

I can’t.

I can’t even begin to tell you how embarrassing this is for me. I can’t believe that I even have to write this down, but here it is for everyone to see. I can’t do it. I lost my focus.

Please understand, I still have faith; I still believe and know that Jesus is Lord and He can do whatever He wants. I’m just slipping away.

I’m losing hope. I’m losing my lifeline. I’m hanging by that proverbial thread, and it’s unraveling quickly. I can sit here watching it, fiber by fiber.

See, I feel like I’m some great huge puppet being jerked around by the great puppet master. He’s not being mean or hateful; he’s just trying to entertain himself and his friends. In the end, the show will be over and I’ll just go back into the trunk.

That’s how I feel, but it’s not what I believe.

See, I believe that what I consider perfect peace, and what God considers perfect peace are two COMPLETELY different things. And one of us needs to change our focus.

I believe that fear is a killer, but it doesn’t come at you all at once, like the boogeyman or a serial killer with a gleaming blade or a gun.

No, fear gnaws away at you. It eats away a little at a time. Then one day, you wake up, and you realize how much fear has actually taken away from you. It’s like the story about how you boil a frog. You don’t immediately throw it in the hot water; you put it in cool water and heat it up slowly so it doesn’t know what’s happening.

Only thing is, I’m not a frog; and I know what’s happening. Why am I still here? I know one reason, and I’m scared to say it as well.

Maybe I don’t believe as much as I think I do. Maybe I’m still walking in sight and not by faith. Maybe my entire life in Christ is built on what He’s done for me, instead of what He means to me.

Maybe I’m just not what I think I am. Maybe I should just give up; I mean, if I don’t have hope, what’s left?

Shhh….did you hear that? It’s a smooth, silky voice. I can’t quite make out what he’s saying though. He’s elusive, like a breeze. I heard him loudly earlier, but then I started telling God honestly how I felt.

Wait, where’d he go?

My heart still has a burden, but it’s not near as heavy as it was earlier. The voice is not nearly as strong.

You know, I’m starting to realize that the voice I heard wasn’t comforting me. It was reminding me that next week is coming and it’s going to be miserable. I’m going to have such a bad week, and I might as well just quit.

Where’d that other voice go? Okay; I started this out by just talking to God. I told Him where I was at and what I thought. I’m weak and frail and I wanted Him to know that so He could kinda……understand……

I remember now. I remember when He first met me a long time ago. I talked to Him in my kitchen in a house we had over 10 years ago. I had reached the end and had nowhere else to go. I wasn’t looking for Him, but He had been waiting for me my whole life.

He told me that if I wanted to, He would take over my life for me. He said it wouldn’t be easy, but it would be worth it. He said He’d never leave me, even when it seemed like He had done just that in my life.

And then He showed me my life behind me. The beach, the sandy beach…and the single solitary set of footprints; Him carrying me because I couldn’t go any further.

I’m on the beach again, and I look down. I see one lone set of feet carrying me, and I feel strong arms holding me close. I look up and see that face, the face of my Lord, and there is no awkwardness or discontent. There is only love.

I’m ashamed, so ashamed. I’m hurt that I can’t even go for a little bit without falling to my knees in weakness and insecurity. I can’t stop thinking about myself and what the world will do to me. I can’t stop crying.

He doesn’t care. He just smiles at me. We’ve stopped.

I look around at the desolate beach, and see how close we are to the water. I look out, and I see a storm brewing. I see a tiny boat out there, with some other friends I know. They are at the end; they want Jesus, but they can’t get to him. They’re trapped in the boat.

Jesus sets me down, and looks lovingly at me. Then He asks me, “Can I get you to go with me out there and rescue them? They need to see Me in someone else’s life so they know they’re not alone.”

But….how would I get out there?

He grabs my hand, and starts to take a step off the beach, into the water.

I’m hesitant. What if I fall again and someone sees me?

"Keep your eyes on Me; you’ll be okay. I promise. Focus on Me, and you can even walk on the water.”

I’m still scared.

He looks at me with a knowing twinkle in His eyes. He’s God, He knows how I feel. He wants me to stop feeling, and start trusting.

I’m taking the step.

Be blessed in the Lord today,

Bo J.

1 comment:

John S. said...

Bo, You are a strong warrior who is loved by the King. In battles, we must fight to stay alive and things look bad at times, but we still overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. The King will never let you go even when all seems hopeless. He has given you the same power that conquered the grave, it lives inside of you in.
I'm not sure if thats what you needed to hear but im sure its good for any situation that we may be in. The thing I can give you whether you want it or not is prayer.
I am praying for you this moment; and until I hear my prayers answered, I shall not stop.
Now trust in His hand and fear no evil.
Grace,
-jts